If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
