Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
