Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
