Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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