what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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