hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
