When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
