my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
