God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
