do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
