I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
