Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
