I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
too bad you live with your parents still
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
