so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
