Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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