I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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