we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
