did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
