Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hippo gnu deer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
