who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
