Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
