Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She said her name was "party"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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