How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
