Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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