In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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