a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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