And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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