I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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