Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
