How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
