Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
