It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
