Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She bit a glass in half.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
