Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
