you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
