Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
