I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
