i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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