my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want her autograph on my taint
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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