that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
