On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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