I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
