I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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