Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
