do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
