Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
