I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
