is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
