I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
