I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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