I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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