I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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