I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
