it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
