He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
