he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
